Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Why Obama is Hitler

Let me just start by saying that it’s about time someone made this comparison. I’ve grown sick of Obama trotting out his radical and dangerous ideologies. This is a man who we must stop before he invades Poland, or more realistically, Canada, to start what will no doubt be a war that ends with the wanton murder of millions. We can not allow ourselves to make the same mistakes that Western Europe made nearly 70 years ago.


I can’t believe how long it took for someone to realize the similarities between Obama’s evil economic policies and Hitler’s evil economic policies. Some people might claim that economics have never really been an indicator of the moral standing of a nation’s leader, but those people are fools. Obama’s socialist tendencies threaten the very fabric of our nation, just as Hitler’s policies tore the world apart during World War 2. Ignore for a moment the fact that Hitler was a stringent capitalist who detested the notion of government run industry and invaded the Soviet Union, his ally and a completely socialist nation, after realizing that the Nazi ideology would not be able to coexist with Communist ideals. If he had been a socialist, Hitler totally would have been even more evil. Just like whoever leads Sweden now.


And thank God people are finally seeing just how similar Obama’s views on race are to Hitler’s. Hitler’s contempt for Jews is just as terrible as Obama’s contempt for white people. Forget that Obama is half-white. He hates white people. You can tell by the way he supported his friend Henry Gates. How dare he doubt the Boston Police Department? I feel lucky every day that I have not been sent to one of the death camps that I am sure is being built somewhere. And for all of you who say that comparing Obama to Hitler insults the memory of the 10 million people who were humiliated, brutalized, murdered, raped, mutilated, and destroyed by the Nazi regime, I only have one question. Where do you get off?


I am just glad that there are American citizens who recognize that it is their patriotic duty to interrupt town hall meetings to bring to light the startling resemblance of Barack Obama to Adolph Hitler. So please, members of the right wing, continue to form mobs, shout your way to power, and form grassroots militias. Together, we can show America who the real Nazis are.

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Origin of Bill Brasky

This is the start of the story about this man:

His name is Bill Brasky.

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Thunder rumbled in the distance and lightning scorched the air the night Bill Brasky was born. It was in a tiny cabin that Willimina Brasky gave birth to the man who would shape the Earth forever. She had been in labor for 137 hours trying to give birth to the giant of a child before Brasky finally decided to fight the indignity of coming out of his mother’s vagina by punching through her womb, instantly killing her. Bill Brasky is a merciful being, however, and he revived her as soon as he had cleaned off the afterbirth and dressed himself in a robe he made after killing and skinning a bear. He was 45 minutes old.

The legend of Bill Brasky does not end there though, not by a long shot. He grew into a strong boy, and by age 8 he was seven foot five and as strong as sixteen oxen. It was not uncommon to see Brasky beating Paul Bunyan up for fun or calling John Henry a girl while he held his hammer over his head. It was during these years that World War Two broke out, however, and it was not long before Franklin Roosevelt called on the services of America’s most important asset. He begged and pleaded with Brasky, sometimes to join the war, sometimes to give back his wheelchair. Days passed before Brasky finally consented, having tired of constantly hearing the whining of who he would later refer to as America’s most crippled President.

And so young Brasky ventured off to Nazi Germany to end a war he had finally grown sick of. He led the D-Day invasion, killing what can only be estimated to be thousands of Germans with rocks and sea turtles he found lying on the beaches of Normandy. Leaving the bunch of “pussies” (as he called them) that needed to rest, heal, and mourn after the attack, he proceeded to invade Berlin alone. After defeating Hitler’s entire guard with a spear attached to a Nazi flag (Bill Brasky enjoys the irony of murdering an ideals based group with their own symbol), he proceeded to look for the F├╝hrer himself.

It took a day for Brasky to find his scent, but he finally tracked Hitler to a bunker behind the Reichstag. He tied Hitler up before having sex with Eva Braun right in front of him. Afterwards, with Eva lying on the ground, barely able to breathe from the most amazing sexual experience of her life, Brasky untied Hitler, lifted him high above his head, and with a motion as fast as the lightning that struck the sky on his birthday, broke Hitler over his knee. As he left the bunker, his mission complete, Eva Braun called to him to stay with her, for she loved him. Brasky’s silent back was the only answer she received, and with the knowledge that she could never be with the man who had satisfied her more than she ever thought possible, committed suicide. And with that, Bill Brasky turned nine.